My insides feel like fire. An out of control hot blast. I know where the anger comes from I just can't figure out how to control it. It's water under the bridge, the cause that is, but the residual heat if you will, is making me miserable.
Where do I go to let it out? What do I have to do? Is it right to lash out at the ones you love simply because you know (or at least think) they'll take it? How many times can I say "sorry...forgive me...I am out of control and I know it but I don't know what else to do?"
Unleashing it on the one that's more responsible than any other doesn't seem fair since he's old, frail, and in that contemplative state I think we all need to be in to accept the harsh reality of impending death.
I keep pushing it aside and try to see the positive...try to learn something from the wrongful acts, the sense of neglect -- rather the actual neglect, nothing "sense" about it. But then what's lost in the meantime? Happiness, personal growth, the ability to help others that need me?
It's too difficult and gets only more difficult with time.
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